A young blonde Portsmouth girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters off Gun Wharf Quay. As she stood on the edge, pondering her infinite doom, a young sailor noticed her as he strolled by.

'You're not thinking of jumping, are you, babe?' he asked.

'Yes, I am' replied the sobbing girl.

Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge.

'Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what, I'm sailing off for Australia tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board my ship and start a new life over there. I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on deck, bring you food and water every night and I'll look after you if you 'look after me' - if you know what I mean. You just have to keep very quiet so that you won't be found'.

The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the sailor sneaked her on board that very night. For the next 3 weeks the sailor came to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and treating her royally with loving until dawn.

Then, during the fourth week, the captain was carrying out a routine inspection of the ship and its lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to find the startled blonde, and demanded an explanation.

The girl came clean, 'I've stowed away to get to Australia. One of your sailors is helping me out. He set me up in here and brings me food and water every night and ... he's screwing me!'

The captain stared at her for a moment before he replied.

‘He certainly is, love. This is the Isle of Wight Ferry!!!!’