Tuesday, 21 December 2010
Sunday, 12 December 2010
So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds?'
The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'
The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds?'
The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds?'
'Of course,' the brother replied 'Do you know what a million quid would buy?'
His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically', we're living with two prostitutes and a poof!!'
Friday, 3 December 2010
It was entertainment night at the Care Home.
Claude the hypnotist exclaimed 'I'm here to put you all into a trance. I intend to hypnotise each and every member of the audience.'
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. The polished metal gleamed in the light.
Claude the hypnotist said: 'I want you each to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.'
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...'
The crowd became mesmerised as the watch swayed back and forth, light shimmering off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces..........................
'S**T!' said the hypnotist.
It took 3 days to clean up the Care Home.