Tom had been in police work for 25 years.

Finally sick of the stress, he quit his job and bought some land in the Scottish highlands as far from humanity as possible. He saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month. Otherwise it was total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocked on his door. He opened it and a huge, bearded man was standing there.

"Name's Cliff, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00."

''Great" said Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Cliff was leaving, he stopped. "Gotta warn you. Be some drinking."

''Not a problem" said Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man started to leave and stopped. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too."

''Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! I'll be there. Thanks again".

''More'n likely be some wild sex, too."

''Now that's really not a problem" said Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

''Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."